and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
