To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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