i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
