My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
