1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
