My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
