I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize