do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
