Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
i was born a porn star she said
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
