My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
