This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I wish they made helmets for livers.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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