Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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