Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize