I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize