I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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