just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
