Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
