I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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