I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
