I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm both gender and math confused
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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