My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
