capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize