i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize