The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
My balls are so social today.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
