i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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