Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
