hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
