I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
