it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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