sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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