Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize