I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
