Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
