she was so not down for the gang bang
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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