I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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