I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
