just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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