cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
