im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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