just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
