drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
