I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
