remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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