i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
