hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
