Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
