Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
