He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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