New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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