At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
