final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
