Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize