My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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