it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
