Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
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