She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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