did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
