What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
