I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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