Ambien. No doubt about it.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Randomize
