What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
