I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
