i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
