Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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