Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize