"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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